Buttery spread?

So I come home from a night at the bar--an amazing night at the Legion, actually, a cub for veterans that holds karaeoke on Wednesday nights, and more on that later--and I get home, just after midnight, worrying that it's so late my roomates will be mad if my stumbling in the kitchen wakes them up. To temper the $3.25 vodka cokes I've been drinking all night, I put some of my rice flour bread in the toaster and search for some butter. Butter. Anyone? Butter? You know, that delicious, slightly salty dairy product that is sometimes spread on toast? After searching t no avail and being thisclose to resorting to all-natural peanut butter, I finally find it: all-natural, vegan,buttery spread. Truly, I am in Vancouver.